If you’re happy President Trump tested positive for COVID-19, you’re just as bad as he is

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Image for article titled If you're happy President Trump tested positive for COVID-19, you're as bad as he is

Photo: MANDEL NGAN (Getty Images)

Regardless of my feelings about his politics, Donald Trump is a human first. A husband. A father. An uncle. An American. And today I am deeply saddened by the news that he and his wife, Melania, have tested positive for COVID-19. Yes, he is an odious person who has said and done terrible things. Corn I remember, this morning, the instructive words of Mark Twain: “Forgiveness is the perfume which the violet spreads on the heel which crushed it.”

An investment in compassion for your fellow man, even those you consider adversaries, is like planting an apple tree. And despite my feelings for him personally, I’m about to devour this sweet and delicious fruit. Perhaps the president’s predicament can be a moment of healing for a nation that desperately needs it.

I invite you, my neighbor, to eat apples with me. My door is open. My heart is naked. My chest is AH FUCK I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE I’M TOO FUCKING-JOY LIKE STEVIE BUT IF STEVIE HAD LASIK I’M CHUCKY AND GIDDY I THINK I SCREAMED THIS MORNING I’M PIG HAPPY WITH THIS BITCH I CAN’T NOT BELIEVE HE RECEIVED THE THING HE SAID WAS NOT A THING EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW IT WAS A THING BUT DID NOT CARE BECAUSE WE WERE THE ONE GETTING THE MOST THING AND NOW IT’S TWERKING OVER HER CRIP TONGUE WALKING INTO HER LUNGS LAUNCHING GENDER REVEAL PARTIES ON HER FACE FUCKING RENT-A-CENTER FORGIVEN ME FOR THE DVD PLAYER I HAVE COPPED IN 2004 AND RETURNED TWO WEEKS LATE THEY STILL CALL ME ABOUT THAT SHIT TODAY BECAUSE THEY HAVE ELEPHANT MEMORIES!

But seriously, it’s just not helpful for your mind to find joy in the pain others are feeling. It only cultivates a toxicity that we are better off.

Michelle Obama isn’t the only one telling us to go high when they go low. My parents, Wilbur and Vivienne Young, raised me at I’M SORRY I CAN’T DO THIS MY EYES BURN I HISS I THINK I JUST SNIRED SHIT I THINK I JUST SQUIRT WHEN PEOPLE SAY SHIT LIKE “I WILL NOT WISH THIS BAD THING ON MY WORST ENEMY” I THINK THEY MUST NOT KNOW WHAT “ENEMY” MEANS THEY MUST HAVE A SPECIAL DICTIONARY WITH DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS OF ENEMY I WISHED BAD CREDIT AND ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION ON NIGAS WHICH CAUSED ME SLIGHT DISCOMFORT IN COLLEGE OF COURSE TODAY I FEEL NOTHING TODAY AND VERVE AND DELIGHT I AM MOTHERFUCKING MIRTHFUL I FEEL LIKE I FLY A KITE LIKE SINGING IN THE RAIN LIKE SAYING THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE LIKE YODELING MY NIGGA YODEL-AY-EE-EEEE YODEL-AY-EE-OOO YODEL-AY-EE- EEEE YODEL-AY-EE-OOO!

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