Hello to you, college football fan friend. I just have one question for you while you sip your morning coffee or munch on your “Diet Starts Monday” salad for lunch, depending on when you’re reading this.
who deserved to win the Heisman Trophy now?
You may be saying one of two things: 1. It doesn’t matter, the Heisman isn’t what it used to be, or 2. It’s still too early to tell. Both points are valid, but the Heisman debate is one of the biggest pastimes for college football fans, and a little more talking about unimportant things is just what the internet needs.
For now, none of the top six favorites, including five quarterbacks, stand out as THE light guy. Favorite Bryce Young has some very solid numbers, but his Crimson Tide hasn’t teamed up like usual. Michigan state running back Kenneth Walker appeared to have a hand on the trophy after his five touchdown game against Michigan, but Sparty’s loss to Purdue last Saturday could have hurt his case. Ole quarterback Miss Matt Corral and Ohio State quarterback CJ Stroud have had their statistical moments, but they would each need a monster end to the year to blow everyone away. Oklahoma quarterback Caleb Williams has been catching up since being named a starter, and ACC QBs Sam Hartman (Wake Forest) and Kenny Pickett (Pittsburgh) each had to win to have a legitimate shot, but they both suffered brutal losses recently, Pickett the week before against Miami and Hartman on Saturday in North Carolina.
There’s a good chance someone mentioned in the hopefully consistent hiking session above will win the award, but could we suggest a candidate in writing that seems to be gaining momentum on social media – San Diego state punter Matt Araiza.
Yes, folks, we said gambler. And yes, we’ve already gassed it in our “Helmet Stickers” section, so we’re not late on the Araiza train. The dude has an absolute howitzer for a left leg, one that threw the ball 90 yards into the effing that was broadcast on Saturday night in Hawaii. With that punt, Araiza won the college football weekend:
Sadly, Araiza is only credited with 79 yards here, but that ball has traveled 90 yards through the air so it’s a 90-yard punt. This man is a WEAPON. The punt marked the 15th time this year that Araiza has broken one from at least 60 yards, setting an FBS record. If you watch the clip again, you’ll notice that Hawaii actually has two guys at depth, one around the 30-yard line and the other at the 10-yard line:
Absurd. Sadly, Araiza doesn’t stand a chance of winning the Heisman Trophy, but if we campaign hard enough on Twitter anything is possible. What we do know for sure is that he won the Ray Guy Award and Bill Belichick is already salivating over using a second round pick against him in the 2022 NFL Draft.
(In this section, we’ll be handing out helmet stickers for those who * almost * won the weekend.)
Five Helmet Stickers: This Iowa State Fan
If you need a refresher on what this sign stands for, here’s a good place to start. The short version: Texas special teams coach Jeff Banks is dating a stripper named Pole Assassin who owns a pet monkey that she uses in his act, and said the pet monkey’s jaws should be taken from a small child who was playing tricks or treats. Halloween. This story is sort of a week old and already forgotten, but it shouldn’t be. This is arguably the craziest sports history of 2021, which obviously says a LOT of it. OK, look at the sign again and you will see what the message is. Incredible stuff, good sir. Iowa State won 30-7, but that sign looked like a little over 1,000,000,000-7.
Four helmet stickers: Kirby Smart on a hot mic
I must like this if you are a Georgia fan. He breathes the energy of Nick Saban. Kirby’s defense has yet to allow more than 14 points this season, the team are undefeated, they ended up rolling Mizzou as expected, and he is still yelling at the referee or one of its players. Kirby’s challenge over the next three weeks will be to keep his squad in place for Tennessee (possible trap game), Charleston Southern (massacre) and Georgia Tech (likely massacre). We all know what’s in store for the Dawgs after this.
Three Helmet Stickers: Arizona State Fox
It was a great year for the animals running around and causing chaos inside sports stadiums. The two that got the most attention were the Yankee Stadium cat during the summer and the cat inside Hard Rock Stadium that was hanging from the rafters in week 1 (different cats, we think). The new king of the sports stadium jungle, however, is the fox that made an appearance at the Arizona State-USC game in Tempe:
Judging by the way this poor guy jumped up and ran the stairs, he was probably terrified. The good news is that he escaped and someone filmed this too, because the internet literally sees everything:
ASU, of course, got the dub. Forks Foxes standing.
Two helmet stickers: tricks games
* Voices of Extreme Bill Simmons * Do Trick Games Have a Moment?
Just a ridiculous amount of deception in week 10. Was there some kind of talking point email sent to all of the coaches? I’ve never seen so many teams go so deep into their trick-play bag in the same week. Awesome stuff. Save some for bowl season, guys.
A helmet sticker: that cheerleader from Colorado
Let’s keep our heads on a pivot in week 11 kids.