My mother is an otherwise sane, intelligent and independent woman. At 60, she has worked for over 40 years, has also owned a home in New Jersey for over 40 years, and has always been on top of her bills, credit, and responsibilities. About 5 years ago, she got into a relationship with a man I can only call a crook.
This man has a history of theft, deception, bad credit and bad decisions. He deceived a few employers and the Internal Revenue Service. He lives with my mother in her current home, which she had owned for about 15 years before they met. He doesn’t pay his share of the bills, often giving her only $ 100 to $ 200 a month, but often borrowing much more than that throughout the month.
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He made statements to her in arguments such as “I have a legal right to this house and I should be listed on the deed” and “I legally have 30-60 days to leave if you try to kick me out. . I believe both of those statements are bullshit bullshit, but I’m just curious as to what his real “rights” are.
There are also other ways he is emotionally abusive. He never changed residences on his driver’s license to my mom’s house and the only thing that ties him to ownership is a cable bill. I hope to settle this on her behalf, as she seems to be blinded to the truth. Since becoming involved with him, her credit has deteriorated and she appears to be in financial difficulty.
This is not the woman I remember.
Your mom may need a financial advisor or advice columnist to weigh in on her affairs at some point. Today she needs an intervention.
Even at 60, she is a prime candidate for the financial abuse of seniors. She is alone and she has money. It is an attractive combination for a potential predator. And while most of this kind of abuse comes from family members, this also happens disproportionately to people without a spouse. Your mother did not marry this man, which is a little pity. It is not too late to act.
You need to build a team of trusted family and friends, alert your mom’s bank, and hire a lawyer who might decide to do a background check. In a group (and when her boyfriend is not at home, of course), you should sit down with your mom to explain to her that you all worry about her, but that you are there to support her while she is sever ties with this man.
The National Association of Adult Protective Services recommends closing any joint bank accounts, establishing a power of attorney (if possible), and setting up a responsible person or body to manage your mother’s assets.
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Looks like your mother went out of her way to take him out of her house and out of her life. It’s a good sign. On some level, she knows this man is bad news. Contact your mother’s lawyer, the bank and / or adult protection services in your state. If he’s not on the act and his safety is an issue, you can also contact local law enforcement (and a lawyer) for advice.
If he does not have a lease and does not pay any rent or contribute to the bills, then he is mistaken about his rights to live there for the next 30 to 60 days. He may think he’s a tenant, but he’s just a guest. He has far fewer rights as a potentially unwanted guest who takes your mom’s funds and intimidates him into such a state that she doesn’t dare ask him to leave.
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If she asks him to leave and he does not, he could be guilty of “provocative intrusion”. You can read more about it here. In New Jersey you can file an eviction complaint without notice if they refused to pay the rent.
Why is your mother living with a man who treats her badly? It’s the same reason that other people let rascals into their lives and allow them to take control: fear and loneliness. A recent survey of 20,000 American adults found that almost half of people suffer from feelings of loneliness. Loneliness is both a health and a social issue. It can also lead to difficult and overwhelming situations like this.
It could be worse. (Usually, but not always, it could be worse.) A member of the Moneyist Facebook group posted this poignant story about a director of a financial firm in Hong Kong who gave 14 million Hong Kong dollars ($ 1.78 million) to a man she met on a dating site. He claimed to be a British director. But here’s the most amazing part: They’ve never met in real life.
Some people will let the wrong person into their life, even if a romantic relationship still eludes them and the company they think they have is just an illusion.
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